Below are the most recent 4 friends' journal entries.

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
random_crap [ combomix ]	7:08p	Random Crap I would like to post here. this will be my first community post....to not be pointless I shall be random: Dog I love dogs :) they dont all love me but most dogs do!!! One dog bit me in the face....but thats not important at all. What is important that you are not wasting your random time on some random dog story, NO I WONT LET THAT HAPPEN!!! I am fighting for you !!!!    Questin for you!!! Actually I have a question for you , I like to make funny or serious stories...but I want to do it as a assignment please give me some subjects or scenery or whatever to go on...and I will write it ! If only 1 person even gives me something I will write if 100 persons do so, I will write also (only not so long stories) If 1000 people do it , I will still fight for you and write these damn stories!!!   What do you say ???? Are you in ?? Current Mood: blah Current Music: Radio (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 31st, 2009
alonendepressed [ usefulnomore ]	2:58p	really alone. I just told my many boy toys to take a hike. I want my new year to start off right, alone and waiting on the person I'm suppose to be waiting on. Now my phone will stop ringing and I'll go back to where Im going and hopefully I won't get depressed since I'll be there all alone. I don't have many friends, usually only guys. Now its New Year's Eve and I'm really alone. There's a party going on at my house, but I've just taken my sleeping pills and I'm ready to be alone. It's also this town that brings me down. Its cold, raining, and brings back memories of my father. I'm ready to be back where I belong, and that's not in the town I grew up in. But its time for me to be a better person about things, and having those guys in my life, was doing nothing but bringing me down even more. I just want things to be right. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, December 28th, 2009
alonendepressed [ gutterxglitz ]	9:15p	advice? okay so since i've been 14 i've dated this crazy little dude named eric. not the healthiest relationship...i cut myself & i was really self destructive as a teenager & growing up. i'm 21 now. when i was 17 he went into the military & when i turned 18 i married him even though i was like, in love with some girl at the time. i dropped out of highschool yaddayadda ya. i dated other people & partied a lot & was kinda a bitch. i've done some really shitty stuff to him. finally decided to divorce him & i started dating his best friend.. cuz i'm a cunt & i guess i like him. it's the first time i've been on my own... well & i'm living with my parents. i sit all day everyday & do basically nothing. play world of warcraft. i cry a lot, cuz i miss him & i hate myself. i think about killing myself a lot because well, i've done really horrible, rude things in my life & i'm so alone now. it doesn't matter how many people i'm around, i still feel alone because i'm not with him. i mean, i guess i could get better but i dont feel like anything is ever going to get better. & i keep eating. i'm gaining weight. i don't have a car...i never see any of my friends anymore because i am embarrassed about the weight i've gained. it's been like 4 months & i keep getting fatter. i can't fit into my size 3's anymore. dude, i cant fit into anything except my pj pants. i feel like i'm just in this hole of self doubt & self hatred & i don't know how to get out of it. i can't make anyone love me. i am sorry for the shit i've done & i don't know what to do. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 26th, 2009
depressionsucks [ gsurosey ]	10:37a	Update long overdue... Ah, family's Internet access. So... Since I'm trolling around in the Internet neighborhood, I thought I'd drop a line and see how you are doing and make sure your holiday season is going well. I wish I could say I was doing well, but as they say on 'Two and a half men', that would just be "sugarcoating Hell". I'm still in the group home in Rochester. I actually had an interview w/ one of the supervisors from the apartment program to see if I'm ready and stable enough to move onto that, but the last week I've had shows that maybe it won't work right now. Let's say that since Thursday 12/17, I've been in psych ED 3 times. They were the 17th (MHA - St. Mary's), 21st (MHA - Strong), and the 23rd (I put myself in St. Mary's). The deal is that I've been rapid-cycling at a maniacal rate (multiple times a day) and it got to the point where I've started beating myself up (ah, loss of control). Let me tell you, multiple blows to the head doesn't feel good and the ear-ringing that lasts for (so far) over a week after the fact doesn't sound nice. Both times in St. Mary's was when I managed to beat on myself and they didn't seem to care. When I got discharged from St. Mary's on the 23rd, I was still in tears and freaking out. But, since I didn't have a suicidal plan they let me go. I was the only patient in the psych ED at the time, so it's not like they were busy. Not that I really wanted it, but they flat-out refused to admit me. The person I talked to said that I was stressed out over the holidays, that my borderline was coming out, and to use my DBT. They were nasty in that when they asked about suicidal plans, hitting myself in the head wasn't going to kill me and what was I going to do. They basically decided I was perfectly fine when I didn't have an answer for that. St. Mary's comes into play now b/c my outpatient care is now through them. I was at Strong Ties until I came to Unity Mental Health in September. I got switched b/c I'm also now being treated for an eating disorder (ED-NOS) and Strong Ties doesn't have anyone that can treat that. I now go for program. I have basically nowhere to go if I need immediate help now. I've been to Strong so many times they probably draw up my discharge papers as soon as I get off the elevator into their ED unit. St. Mary's (both times I was there) has shown me total disrespect that they're not listening to me. In that ED, there are tons of cameras. If they were looking at the monitors and/or gave a crap what they saw on them, maybe I wouldn't be in so much physical pain right from the self-inflicted beatings. Had they wanted to, they could've stopped me. Sorry this turned into a gripe-fest. I'm just very frustrated with everything right now. It sucks that I have basically no friends where I am right now. I can't talk to anyone in the house b/c they'll just get staff and chances are high I'll get sent in for a pointless evaluation then sent home again. Do I have to start attempting again to get anybody to believe me? Current Mood: frustrated (Comment on this)